peace

Dear Reader,

So sorry I have not been present, I've been busy. 

    Todays topic is peace. This Taylor song is about how some us girls can't be with people that want us to just be comfortable because we are not those types. We need to flourish and change the world with our beauty inside and out. Unfortunately I am one of those girls, or fortunately, I guess we will find out. 

    I have a story for you from today that is sure to give you a laugh. Not really a story I guess but an event none-less. The backstory to this that the past couple of weeks I got a new job, the guy I was kind of talking to has almost completely vanished-it's okay I found a new one- and I've been waking up really late. So all of this has led to an overwhelming amount of housework, stress and unneeded ruin. So this big event that set me back and made me feel horrible was...drumroll please...stubbing my toe. Thank you, thank you, hold your applause please. Yes, this stubbing of my toe led to a little bit of a quarter of a quarter life crisis. This is what woke up the writer in me to get up and figure it out. Sometimes you need to sit on the floor, be disappointed in the things that have happened and MOVE FORWARD. 

    Okay reader, so we have established I am a big baby and stubbing my toe was the end of the world today but clearly I needed a second to settle down. I've been hard on myself and very strict with my body and I needed it. Sometimes our body does this thing where it withholds emotion and valid feelings on the premise that there just is not time to deal with it right now. 

    I want to tell you more about this job. Its great. It's in a field I believe in and it with some people that I really respect and look up to, however it is not easy. I'm stressed because it has to do with performance, meaning, if I don't try or if I have an off day it reflects in the direct outcome of my success. Now this may not seem like a big deal but when you struggle with recurring PTSD and depression and anxiety it can be really difficult. Do you sympathize now, reader, oh you don't, that's okay neither do I, which is the issue. I talk about letting yourself have the bad days and literally part of the brand I want to build is lov8ibng your body through the journey. hypocrite. What's that old saying about,. do what I say, not what I do. Anyway, I'm trying to be more kind to myself in this time of transition and a little bit of loss. 

    Today I got up off the floor, put on my Tay-Tay-mother if you will-and went to town, cleaning my space and taking care of myself. I went to work and killed it, as usual, and now I'm going to go to the gym, have a shower, and take care myself further. I gave myself space to be upset and I am moving forward throughout my day. Danielle from five years ago would never! It would ruin her entire day she wouldn't go to work and she would be in bed. I guess part of the lesson from today is that giving yourself space to be upset and disappointed is okay.

    Okay so back to the beginning topic. Peace. Its been my favorite song recently just because its been interesting unpacking trauma, addressing it and putting it away packed again, but folded properly. Personally, I don't know if I will ever find peace. Peace to me, is love, stability, and happiness in the purest form. Who knows, but what I do know I will not settle for anything lesser than, ever again, and neither should you. I've been with the guy that is [perfectly happy being stagnant, not making any improvements on life, not exceling at anything, no hobbies, liked to stay inside and I cannot do it ever again. I want to get  my personal training certificate, I want to change lives in the school district, I want to chase waterfalls and see the world and have someone to do it with. Because honestly, I'm tired of doing it on my own, I will, but I don't want to.

    I haven't quite hit peace yet and I don't want to. I never want to be stagnant again. 

    That's all I have for you in this print dear reader, I love you, please take care of yourself.

Thank you, 

See you next time, 

And please, please, please don't forget to love your body through the journey.

Love,

Danielle Speers

@strongweithdanielle